The title pretty much speaks my overall feeling right now. I feel like such a loser looking to blog for support, no offense to my fellow bloggers.
I have to leave in just a bit to go to a doctor's appointment. 5 minutes actually. so this will have to be short though i could write all day.
So here's an overview to who i am.
First of all i do not want to reveal any information that could lead to who i am. This is really important because people are already questioning me daily about my eating.
I'm 18 years old and a senior in a private, small, very rich highschool. Due to my mom's job though, we can afford this. Because of where my mom works, I get to go to this school for free. This can be good and it can be awful. I am definitely one of the least "well-off". I'm one of very few, in my class of 120, that does not have a car. We currently are renting a house. We can't pay the cell phone bill. Money is always rediculously tight. It is almost impossible for us to even pay for basic necessities.
I use to be a big athlete. I played soccer year-round for an amazing club and coach. This all came tumbling down after my third knee injury and surgery. My knee is so messed up at this point that my doctor advised me not to return to any sport that requires pivoting (which is everything but running and swimming) because I will definitely tear the remaining 1/2 of the ACL I have and probably do much more dammage than that. I ran track last year after my 3rd surgery and did fairly well. I ran cross country this year and was second on my team. But I started smoking daily after the season ended and I definitely do not want to do track this spring. It makes me fat, I sware.
I have two brothers and my parents are still married so i have a lot to be thankful for. I go to an amazing school, have a good family, and really don't have much to complain about. But i do have so many problems.
I go to a therapist. I have now been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and probably ADD. I'll find out about that when I get my ass up and go to the doctor. I struggle with annorexia. But for now, I have to do it. The most upsetting thing that has recently happened to me was my break up with my boyfriend who i was on and off with for a year. It is killing me. I can't put into words how much it hurts.
I also have substance abuse problems. It doesn't matter really what it is as long as i feel a rush or feel nothing, whether it be alcohol, marijuana, coke, prescription medicine, or cigarettes.
I haven't even gotten 1/10th of the way through just the beginning. I'm just looking for someone who might share some of the same problems or be in a similar situation. I just need support because right now I feel like nothing can keep me together.
I will definitely be back tonight to finish. if you read all this, thank you thank you so much. please do leave a comment, even if you dissagree. But If you are very angered, disturbed, or disgusted, please refrain from leaving one.
